All good. Except I’ve met many people who moan about the heat and the dirt/ dust like it’s a badge of honour. It’s part of their travel story, the kinds they tell you with minor embellishments (who doesn’t?) and with warmth. But I’m tired of telling them that it doesn’t make them ‘cool’.

Yes, it’s hot and uncomfortable for nearly half the year but if you stopped trying to look for yourself by suffering on purpose, you’d discover air conditioned hotels and cars. Or maybe abandon your idea that all heat and sun is enjoyable – discover the healing power of shade and an afternoon snooze.

Or stop being a miser and go when the weather is decent.

As I managed to snap at someone – “Your ancestors managed to deal with the heat and rule over the country, despite the lack of electricity. You’re made of stronger stuff. But if you want a story out of it – go ahead and slog it”.

Travelling in India is not an endurance test. And if you pretend it is, you’re not much better than the desi tourist who complains about the rotis not being soft enough whilst in Switzerland.

End rant.

Let me start with a confession though – I have never known what to do with a ‘juicer’. I am not particularly found of juice, and while shopping around for a food processor, every one of those focused on making juice out of something or the other. Between discussions about wattage, blades, attachments and jars, I felt utterly lost. I tried a few – but in the end the kind of cooking I do (from grinding masalas, making chutneys to throwing in a piece of turmeric) needed a desi mixer-grinder. So this time when I was in India, I decided to buy one.

As an aside, for my mother, it is a Sumeet or nothing. But a Sumeet was nowhere to be found in the depths of Gurgaon.

Anyhow, while shopping for a food processor, one of the features that is sold to you is the ‘locking system’, which means unless the jar is perfectly aligned and closed, it won’t operate. In the UK it’s usually ‘Your hands are safer this way, because you may turn it on unintentionally – and we all know what blood does to ground coffee beans‘.

The sales pitch in India was along the lines of ‘Your maid can’t ruin this mixer grinder with her chopped off fingers and so it’s a good investment‘. The realities in both countries glare at you. (Also, the sales guy lost a little respect for me I think.)

In search for the right mixer-grinder, I went to Spencer’s, Croma, Big Bazaar and a few other places. All of them had pretty much the same products, but in the end it was the store that asked me questions about how I was going to use, how often I would operate it, if I wanted a juicer, if it was going to be used in India or elsewhere got my business. Not so much because I thought they were honest. Every store has its pet product it pushes – but any interest in how I will use this little beast, makes me feel like the sales rep is recommending after considering.

But the final word? My sister’s. She and her new extended family own one particular brand and make, all bought in the last few years. Done. Decided.

This time, more than ever, and perhaps because I was there on work – I really did spend a lot of time figuring out what stores make me happy, where I like to buy things, and what convinces me. Turns out, I am real easy. Talk to me, make me feel slightly important (even if I am only buying a piddly mixer-grinder) and pretend you’re offering me a discount. See – Easy.

PS – How many bloody jars does one really need in a food processor?

I had a sudden desire to eat thenkuzhal today. I’ve seen my mother make it a million times. Back in the day when eating something fried wasn’t quite the sin it has become now. Think my mother made a full spectrum of things and was quite sane in her advice – eat everything in moderation. As a 19 year old, I ignored it, and binged on fried fiends, but I find my own cooking quite reflective of her style. Minimum oil, most things slightly steamed, no overkill with every damn spice in the shelf, never really over-cooked and everyday meals that don’t involve back-breaking effort (mostly).

So anyhow, back to the sins of thenkuzhal. While poking my nose about online I discovered this wonderful maama-maami combo who make these wonderful videos from their kitchen in Srirangam. There’s something about their unassuming style of conversation (all in Tamil), their utensils, the arranged chaos that screams home to me.

For instance take a look at this – one of the videos for making Morkozhambu.

The videos aren’t edited or jazzy. You never quite see their faces, just maami’s busy (and magically effortless) hands, and her responses to maama’s various doubts and questions. Thanks maama-maami – you made someone very happy today.

Angry young woman that I am, the mention of Slumdog Millionaire gets my goat on most days. I think it’s a decent, engaging film, and have sat through it more than once. But the moment somebody feels that they know anything about Bollywood, Indian Cinema or India because they like the film, I get a little livid. Slums are a big part of Indian reality/ realty. Poverty exists. But so do many other things. By all means, make films, documentaries and the rest about slums, but a little something else isn’t bad?

Channel 4 and other channels annoy me a bit on this matter. Either they cover the absolute wealth of rich Indians who have 5000 guests for their weddings, or the blinding poverty of slums/ rural India. Yes, it’s a country of contrasts, and extremes makes for better television, but some people have found interesting ways of talking about India without launching into eye watering tales of grim childhoods.

Indian Winter on Channel 4 has this note

Channel 4 brings together the very best film, drama, features and factual programming in early 2010 in a season that celebrates India, exploring its rich culture, culinary traditions and the human stories that shape one of the world’s most diverse and captivating countries.

Of the six programmes, four are somehow or the other based on slums. And the one film is Om Shanti Om. Ugh.

You see, having fun is just bad, bad, bad for our Grand Indian Tradition. Hundreds of years of civilization hangs by a thread. The threads that go into the making of all our pink chaddis.

Go forth and chaddify. Send your chaddis to

BANGALORE
The Pink Chaddi Campaign,
C/O Alternate Law Forum,
122/4 Infantry Road
(opposite Infantry Wedding House)
Bangalore 560001
Karnataka

If you have friends, you would by now have received some ten thousand forwards on this elusive little section in the People’s Representation Act – a fabled 49-O. Here’s what it says.

49-O. Elector deciding not to vote.-If an elector, after his electoral roll number has been duly entered in the register of voters in Form-17A and has put his signature or thumb impression thereon as required under sub-rule (1) of rule 49L, decided not to record his vote, a remark to this effect shall be made against the said entry in Form 17A by the presiding officer and the signature or thumb impression of the elector shall be obtained against such remark.

Various people have been going ga-ga over this. Apparently it lets them express some sort of political statement about how they find all the politicians completely undeserving of their vote. Well, fair enough.

In the few times that I have voted in any election, I’ve always felt I was voting for the lesser evil. It wasn’t because the candidate has me in raptures with their promises, or because I was dazzled by my admiration for them. You can hate politicians all you like, but they are necessary. If you want to go about exercising this 49-O business, you might as well say, “Sure, give me the President’s rule”. Which is a bigger mockery of democracy than than having goons in the parliament. You really want a politician who understands you? Go stand for an election.

As far as I know, even if the majority opts for 49-O, votes that are tendered are counted, and winners are announced accordingly. So in effect, you are giving up your right to vote for the lesser evil. (Yes, the counter argument is that there could be equal evils – but that sort of symmetry is rare.)

So that money – that river of money that was spent on an election, could instead be used for something else, or at the very least, to minimize public debt. Before we get all orgasmic about 49-O, we need to consider what happens when we don’t positively assert our votes. Sure, the semantics of it suggest that opting for 49-O means you are making a choice, but what it actually means is that you are giving up your right and abstaining. You are fence-sitting. And your fence-sitting, which otherwise is nobody else’s business, costs the country a lot of money.

You are better off trying to pressurizing an existing government into action, rather than prevent government formation in the first place. You can’t choose? Very well, screw democracy. We’ll just get a dictator. Saves us money spent on elections.

You would think the lack of political choice would have been a thing a multli-party system doesn’t have to contend with. But here’s a tough one. The elections will be held sometime next year. Who will you vote for? Considering that in most constituencies they pit equal goons or crooks against each other, choosing one person over the other, is rather hard. Therefore, you choose a party. Let’s say you prefer a regional party – they exist and operate within the context of national parties, especially when it comes to general elections. So here’s the choice – Communist Parties, Congress or the BJP.

My economic sensibilities are closer to the BJP. They have been more pro-trade. More pro-infrastructure investment. It’s not for nothing that someone referred to the BJP as a party of Banias. The BJP is heavily influenced by the trading community. However, I loathe their Hindutva agenda. I hate the fact that they think they represent my religious concerns. They scare the hell out of me with their anti-outsider rhetoric. I can’t digest the fact that no action was taken against Modi. Ever.

The Congress party baffles me. I don’t understand what their economic policy is. Their emphasis on the rhetoric of welfare is pretty senseless. Mostly because it is rhetoric. Even their principal constituencies like Amethi and Rae Bareli haven’t had much to show for their allegiance to the Congress. The party reeks of family-led politics. Plus, they’ve screwed the country over and over again. And if Rahul baba is the PM candidate, I will just bang my head against a wall.

The Communist Parties. Yuck. Even if I was to magically believe in Communist philosophy, I still wouldn’t be able to vote for them. Mostly because they practice convenient communism. And that is extremely dangerous. Even more dangerous than just communism.

The future of the country is probably in the hands of regional parties. And for regions that haven’t been able to cultivate strong local political action and parties, the choice is so narrow that it almost appears futile.