Words 1: ROI, weeds, marketing

Words: ROI, weeds, marketing, poha

The Royapettah Omapodi Industries (ROI) should never have been named such. In fairness, two of the three founding members were actually from Triplicane. However, it was decided that the abbreviation TOI was too similar to the word toy. Food, however, was serious business.

In the 1980s, ROI did roaring business. This was the era of thunderous thighs and wonderous bellies. The heroines were competing with each other. In every studio, a special department was designated to provide the heroines with the best of snacks. ROI became a dedicated supplier to the Bigger Heroines Project (BHP) to all the studios. Since the AIADMK headquarters was next door, the film contacts came pouring in. Their name and their location was all the marketing they really needed.

More than the omapodi, and other savouries, Mrs Chandrasekharan and Mrs TK Krishnamoorthi discovered, it was the sweets that added the weight to the heroines. Their menu became detailed. In fact, it is well known that the heroines of the late 1980s became rather big, and this caused an acute shortage of sugar supplies in the open market. It was the reason why the sugar market had to be liberated from the clutches of the Public Distribution System. In fact, it would be fair to say that ROI caused the government to adopt more liberal policies. It was the only way to keep the heroines well fed.

But with the 1990s, the heroines began to shed weight. The heroines became like weeds. Thinner. Without any apparent use. The first signs of the decline were when the heroines from the North started to stick to their own diets instead of the morning pongal which all the others had before them. When Sneha Khandekar (of course, renamed Sumangali in local films) asked for poha the first time, the ROI realised doom was imminent.

The three wonderful women from Triplicane (and Royapettah) filed for bankruptcy. The heroines vanished. Tamil Cinema went into a period of decline.

PS – Yes, I cheated. I left out the word poha. But first one in the series, kindly excuse!
PPS – Thanks to some Gobi – I managed to squeeze in Poha too.

11 Comments

Filed under Poetry and Fiction, Words

11 Responses to Words 1: ROI, weeds, marketing

  1. lol@PS. ..and here I was being a strict teacher, doing ctrl F on all those words :p

    Nice Omapodi heroine setting. Now I am hungry. :|

  2. Wah re wah!

    Eating poha daily will make you thin. I know. When I lived in Bangalore, a friend used to take pity and bring me poha every day – every day for 10 months – and I left Bangalore 6 kilos lighter than I had arrived from Calcutta.

  3. ahhhhh, first post I read this morning and it has to do with Omapudi! Dang, I’m hungry now….

    but i loved your ROI abbreviation!

  4. Oh these new-fangled diets. What poha-shoha? Didn’t the ROI have a trade union? Aren’t government backed projects immune to change, then why oh why did the BHP fade into oblivion?

  5. This reads as if I wrote it. I am sure you can do better.

  6. km

    Ha, ROI – I am going to have to remember that for my next presentation.

  7. This is ROFL stuff, where ROFL not equal to Royapettah Omapudi Federation Limited! You made good use of ROI!

  8. lol..sneha khandekar? lol again…

  9. LOL@ROI! I know you hate sequels but this calls for one. Didn’t you hear the one about the ROI mamis persisting and starting a successful KPI (Kadalai Pori industries) specializing in Poha, chat etc?

  10. rads: Found na!

    Shefaly: See, I knew I was basing this on some evidence. Poha – better diet food.

    maxdavinci: I was hungry by the time I finished writing it.

    Banno: They tried I think. But when they applied, the government thought it was the Republic Of Ireland wanting to set up a trade union in India. The file was stuck in the Ministry of Home Affairs because they had to clear it. But later it got stuck in the Ministry of External Affairs. Sigh.

    Nilu: How wonderfully you insult both of us! :)

    km: Yes, there aren’t any returns to investment these days anyway. Might as well invoke Royapettah.

    Dinesh: LOL!

    Buddy: Maybe if she married a fellow Marathi manoos who drank too much she’d become Sneha PK Girpade.

    Vidya: KPI! Ada paavi! :)

  11. ha ha ha….. had a great laughter… the way you linked ROI’s food items and the age of thinner heroines. LOL :)