I am bad-movie magnet. I attract bad movies. They come flying through the universe just to attack me. I have no choice in the matter. Take for instance this film named Swami. For some reason or the other, I decided to see it. And now, I feel compelled to tell you the story of the movie. If you plan to torture yourself by watching this film, please don’t read any further. But come back and weep in the comments.
So, one man called Swami, and his wife Radha, with their button-cute child move to Bombay from a very remote village. So remote is this village, that you are forced to think that theirs is the only house in the entire village. In fact they’re the only people in that village. Anyhow they move. To a tiny house. But the family is nauseatingly happy all the time. So the child talks his way into an English Medium school. Meanwhile, the wife develops some really complicated Kidney ailment that could kill her. The operation costs some 25000 rupees. Swami works day, night and other assorted hours to put the money together. So far, so good. A little on the soppy side, but there’s nothing spectacularly bad.
But here’s where the fun starts. And it’s only 40 minutes or so into the movie.
Swami apparently has this deep seated fondness for posh looking rocking chairs. There’s a little pointless flashback when we see Swami as a kid being asked to get out of a rocking chair. From then on, everytime he sees a rocking chair he starts drooling. I am being very serious – I am not exaggerating. He drools. Sometimes he even walks into random people’s homes and sits in the rocking chair and goes to sleep.
Now at this point, if the director had gone into a B-grade horror flick, and shown that Swami turns into a psychopath, serial killing owners of rocking chairs – the movie would have made a lot of sense. Instead, the dying wife who can be rescued with a simple operation one fine day, decides to buy him an antique rocking chair for – (drumroll please) 18,500 rupees. In effect, wiping out their savings. He comes back at an unearthly hour – finds the chair. Realizes what she has done. There’s this really long melodramatic scene about how she wants him to be happy. This man looks upset for about quarter of a second. Then happily goes and rocks himself to joy and back on the rocking chair. Not for a moment does he consider that she might have a receipt and the chair could be returned.
The movie does not end here.
There’s another side story. The wife is a little mad about America and she wants that her son should go live in America. Anyhow, without the money for the operation, the wife dies. Fast forward 10-15 years. Son acquires job in an MNC. Also acquires an ambitionless girlfriend. Son and this girlfriend get married. They have a son. Swami of course is besotted with grandson. DIL is sometimes evil, but mostly good. In a fit on anger one day, DIL sells the very rocking chair that Swami’s wife once bought. Everyone is heartbroken. No replacement chair is bought. There are strange sequences of geriatric Swami gallivanting with other geriatric friends. Very pointless. Probably devised to give people ample time to go pee during impromptu toilet breaks.
Son keeps trying to get transfer to America. Gets it. But refuses to go without his daddy. Meanwhile Swami decides that his wife’s dream must come true and insists that he will go live in an Old Age Home. When Swami enters his room – he finds the OLD ROCKING CHAIR!! He sobs and weeps over it. There’s a voiceover that informs you that dying people can see other people’s future, which is why the wife bought the chair for him – as his lifelong companion.
The end. Seriously, that’s it. To top it off, there’s a recurring bad background song with a woman screeching Swami all the time. Apparently to let you know that this is a very emotional moment in the film.
I normally wouldn’t torture you with such an absurd and long post. But I double suffered. The flu and this movie. I can be excused.
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I thought the movie would inspire at least one poem on the Rocking Chair? Seems like Flu is far more inspiring! Tsk.
Me and my mom went to see the movie thinking it is some interpretation of Malgudi Days. Nejamma.
Your post also proves that the quality of the muse has minimum impact on the output that it generates! :)
Ok, story wise I will give you worst film of the first half of the year award (trust me a lot more trash will appear in the next half!). But acting wise I have just the movie for you – (drumroll) If you want ham acting. If you want bloood. If you want lipsticky-in-all circumstances Katrina Kaif. If you want the Deol hugfest (serious hugging time). If you want major tear. Please to go watch Apne – your flu will find the exit so fast you’ll be able to eat 5 scoops of ice cream by the interval!! Hope you feel better soon.
Will have to agree with 30in2005, the Deol tribe’s acting in Apne looks awful. Not that I have the patience that you guys have to watch these movies. I only see the clips on B4U and that was enough.
what compelled you to sit through the rest of the movie after the damn rocking chair was bought?
you must be really ill.
but this sounds like JUST the movie to watch in a group. hours of fun.
Oh and if you want to prolong your agony even further, please watch Unnale Unnale. Although I do have a sneaking suspicion that it will drive out your flu with its sheer awfulness.
i gave up on the movie when the guy started DROOLING first time ;) must be in the first 30 minutes when the ever-so-happy family was still in the “so remote” village :))
good that i know what I missed, and that I didnot miss much :D
… and since you cannot pass on the flu, you’ve gotten down to sharing the other miseries you suffered this past week… now that ain’t kind!
heh, unbelievable! But a Bajpai-Juhi movie can be so bad, eh? sigh!
I like the fact that this movie has spawned a whole new category on the blog! :)
Thanks…yet the story line sounds more interesting than Sivaji, the Boss
Please please tell me you did not go and watch this in a theatre…and if you watched it at home, in semi if not fully fast-forward !!!!
What are you saying, its a MUST see. Just like Aap Ka Suroor.
Is it in Hindi? If not, the sub-titles should make things even more interesting.
On a different note: Despite having had my DP moments, this is the first time I’m visiting a contributors blog. Great stuff.
Did the flu go to the brain? :P.. what made you select such stuff for watching :) ?
‘indhi padamo?
I’m shocked you watched more than 10 minutes. I barfed just watching Juhi Chawla’s introduction scene where they explain how she is this nice Tamil wife who says “aiyoo appadiyaa” every two minutes and talks in that annoying accent all south Indian people are made to talk in in Hindi movies.
Yes yes yes. I sat through the whole movie. Didn’t even fast forward the songs. But in my defense, the flu clouded my judgment. Besides, the pleasure of watching a really bad movie is exquisite. :)
Ha ha ha.. you are excused, don’t worry, my girl..!! Btw, did your flu get worse after watching the movie?
You know, your review, as a short story, is almost a classic – if the story of this movie was a short story, we would have been learning it in Grade 5 English literature class!