I insisted we go see Umrao Jaan. Despite the fact that Sri’s radar seemed to have warned him against it. It was so awful that we couldn’t even sleep through it. You realize that the movie is not going to live upto the remotest of expectations in the first minute. It’s hard to come across a more shoddy line-up of sidekicks and extras. For one thing they cannot speak. When they do, it’s a bit like they are reciting multiplication tables. Every dialogue takes you to a different yawn.
The story was never exceptional. It’s the context, the background that was even more interesting. There is an element of decadence to the entire culture that is not even touched or explored. This film fails on so many levels. For one thing, the camera work is near pathetic. Too many close ups and no sense of space in the movie. You feel claustrophobic. Actually it reminded me of those badly made serials that use Arabian Nights as the theme. Everything looks like a set. Everything reminds you of cardboard.
Actually, the movie feels like an amateur high-school production. Where actors enter and exit on obvious cue. Even something as crucial as intimacy between characters of Umrao Jaan and Nawab Sultan is never achieved. They fall in love in about a minute, which is okay if the movie progresses at that rate. The bloody movie is so slow that their “love-in-the-next-frame” is hard to buy. Shabana Azmi is probably the only actor who did half-way justice to the role.
Even if the makers insist that you don’t compare the two Umarao Jaan productions, it’s hard not to remember the one starring Rekha for its music. The music made all the difference. Anu Malik unfortunately doesn’t seem to understand the concept of thumris at all. The music is so crappy that the whole theatre would collectively sigh in anticipatory pain when a song started.
But it gets worse – not only do you have horrible music, painful sidekicks, bad dialogue delivery, poor camerawork, inadequate editing – you also have Sunil Shetty. The man can barely manage Hindi. And I mean barely. He has a horrible voice. His face has no expression other than indicating constipation. To hear him speak some form of Urdu is to bang your head on a wall. At some point in time he also wore shoes that looked like they were from a Reebok store.
Maybe what I really liked about Muzaffar Ali’s Umrao Jaan was that the movie felt authentic. It was entertaining. It had the likes of Nasserudin Shah and Farooq Sheikh effortlessly speaking in Urdu. It was in the backdrop of 1857, when decadence was disguised as high culture and met its unfortunate death and decline. I will willingly overlook that blue cap that the courtesan shouldn’t have worn, or the badly tied headgear of the Nawab Sultan had the movie been even half-way entertaining. Seriously, don’t watch it unless you have a DVD of the 1981 version lying around so you can scrub out the memory of this one.
PS – To be fair, some of the outfits are lovely and there’s one haunting sappy track that I rather like Agle Janam Mohe Bitiya (second last song on the playlist), but it has a strong undertone of some song heard before and doesn’t sound too original.
Posted on November 4th, 2006 by Neha Viswanathan
Filed under: History and Monuments, Music, Film and Art
Oh another big budget/ mega starrer disappointing movie. So the lesson learnt is, never go for movie just based on star cast and marketing campaign.
but what were you expecting? why did you go and watch it? did you not see the posters? have not heard Aishwarya SPEAK? duh! the only thing I can find to be grateful about is they got Anu Malik and not Bappi Lahiri for the music.
Dutta saab is known for his over stretched movies. I wasn’t intending to go watch this as I could tell that it would be something to bore me, the costumes were about the only attraction I could see.
Honest review – I likes.
[...] Neha takes a stronger stance, and likens Umrao Jaan to an “amateur high-school production”. But it gets worse – not only do you have horrible music, painful sidekicks, bad dialogue delivery, poor camerawork, inadequate editing – you also have Sunil Shetty. The man can barely manage Hindi… To hear him speak some form of Urdu is to bang your head on a wall. At some point in time he also wore shoes that looked like they were from a Reebok store. [...]
Ahh, good to know before I actually went and wasted my money..thanks.
I’m so relieved by this review!
indhi padam parpathu thamil drogam.
Mohe bitiya na kijyo etc sounds very un-urdu .. what was the movie again? The song you have heard before must be Lambi Judai sung by a someone with a heavy voice
Your blog tagline should now read, I watch bad movies so you don’t have to :)
Anu Malik unfortunately doesn’t seem to understand the concept of thumris at all.
oh come on he surely must have been good at the one in raag kaaf(p)i and pilu(a)..Seri romba naal ache indha pakkam vandhu nu paathen..odidaren ;)
Punit Pandey: I thought the marketing was rather bad actually.
Charu: Ouch! I have a sneaking suspicion that Bappi Lahiri might have done a better job. (Disclaimer – I am a fan!)
Sangeeta: Some of the outfits were definitely drool-worthy. :) But it felt a little repetitive.
Vi: Thanks. Maybe I should start charging a fraction of all the money people save. Heh!
Shivam: Heh!
Nilu: Yes Yes.
Gi Ve: That was the number was probably in an earlier avatar of Khari Boli. But the dialogues in the movie that were not in Urdu were actually rather badly handled.
Patrix: Mmm. I see a business opportunity here.
Vidya: I find Anu Malik’s style so predictable. While the songs were supposed to be ghazals, they might have been more interesting if a combination of thumris, dadras and ghazals had been used – as was probably the norm in the 1850s.
Beautiful story portrayed in poor form