Sometimes you see a movie that doesn’t deserve a review. Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna (KANK) is probably in that category.
KANK is like a long boring drone. For some 3 plus hours.
The story isn’t even worth telling. Let’s just say Mr X, Mrs X, Mr Y and Mrs Y are in two very unhappy marriages. Mr X and Mrs Y get friendly, and pretend they want to set their marriages right, well all they do is find excuses to touch each other. One day they give up on that pretense, and start the infamous adulterous affair. Well, a story can’t do justice to every character. But the sad bit is that the story gives up on every character. Even Amitabh Bachchan is reduced to a puddle of badly mouthed dialogues. The story may have had some promise in the early stage. But the problem is when the movie tries to get deep. Stay superficial and you have a nice movie. Here you go half deep, figure you’ve ran out of oxygen and come up gasping for breath. Bad dive, and even worse surfacing.
Infidelity is not an easy subject, but it is still human. It is still an authentic aspect in relationships. It doesn’t necessarily end them. Relationships, especially those that involve children, parents are complicated. They don’t end neatly, presenting themselves in little pieces gift wrapped in boxes. They get ugly. Messy. Incompatibility with one’s spouse is different from infidelity.
Shah Rukh Khan is a ham-ster, not an actor. Rani Mukherji’s character needs a shrink, not a sidekick love affair. Preity Zinta is passable. Abhishek Bachchan is the only actor who does a decent job. His anger, rage, helplessness – all at once being poured on the screen. By the way, if you – like most normal people have an issue with abusive parents, you might find Shah Rukh Khan’s character very annoying. He takes his anger out on the child so often, you wonder why Preity Zinta hadn’t left him already. He literally bullies the child.
There are moments in the movie that are nice. Like the bits where they show that despite incompatibility and bittnerness, spouses are tied to each other because of their shared history and the familiarity. Like when the parent of the spouse becomes a confidante. When it becomes apparent that Mr X is essentially a bitter person and his entire sense of importance comes from someone depending on him, and its Mrs Y’s emotional dependence on him that makes him feel comfortable in the relationship.
But all that totals about 15 minutes. About 8.5% of the total running time.
See, I don’t expect a movie to be logical, or to make perfect sense. I know that storylines cannot be very original beyond a point. If it does that – great. However, I do expect some entertainment. Which is where the movie falls flat on its nose. It’s so BORING. So slow. So annoying. If we hadn’t paid ten quid a head, we’d have walked out. (And with me feeling slightly unwell – it was a very tempting option.) The movie kills itself. In some of its best moments, instead of letting the silence overwhelm you for atleast five seconds, it thuds you with badly composed background music.
You want to see a nice movie about infidelity and marriage? See Arth.
Karan Johar – Alvida Kehdo. Please.
PS – One or two songs are reasonably decent.
PPS – Someone please tell Karan Johar that drenched-in-the-rain scenes when lead actors have half an inch of makeup on their face looks ridiculous.
PPPS – The dialogues. Who the hell wrote them. Long, laborious and like mouthfuls of badly made jalebis.
Posted on August 12th, 2006 by Neha Viswanathan
Filed under: Music, Film and Art
Since I am listening to some excellent music, is the music of this KANK (saying which btw acoustically is like a rock hitting a tin) any good? I guess not. Also you paid 10 Queen Lizs for a Bollywood version of “Closer”! Rama Rama! :)
saw it last nigh, and good lord is it mind numbingly LONG! the only thought in my head during the last 15 minutes was “Get over already!”.
I actually thought i could have been decent. If the charectors had been sketched out properly. Priety Zinta’s is almost like cardboard caricature and the circumstances of the affair were so half baked. AB Jr. was good though.
Oh wel;l, its a K.Jo movie, i guess you don’t need justification beyond the fact that SRK and Rani are soul mates.
Aargh. Planning to see it tomorrow.
[...] Neha Vish saw the movie and wonders why the movie was ever made? She writes, “It’s so BORING. So slow. So annoying.” [...]
Can DP run a contest for the snarkiest review of KANK?
KANK review – Why did they make this movie?…
asdfsaf asfsaf asfsad fs fds fsad fdsa fdsaf ds fsd fdsf adsf…
Phew, nearly saw it last night, made a quick change to Miami Vice. What works in K.jo’s favour is the star cast. The movie will run because of that. I really want to see a movie he directs with Vivek Oberoi and Reema Sen for example.
What I don’t get is why K.Jo needed to deviate from his magic formula? Was he trying to win critical acclaim or something?
I decided not to watch KANK after hearing of the plot, but after reading 20 reviews panning the movie, I am developing a morbid fascination…
u need to have a higher level of understanding to see what the movie tries to potray. it is so important. its very easy to say the movie is boring…too long and the blah. but i think karan has made a brilliant movie. the dilemma b/w the spouses….the struggle b/w srk and rani has been shown brilliantly. there is humor in the movie…the 1st half has it all. and then, u cant expect a arth and kank to be on the same level…i mean c’mon…every director has a style of potraying things and karan does full justice to this.
the movie was not long and nor was it drab. thats my point of view!!
tch tch…
Saw KANK last night.
I must say, i heard my fair share of bad reviews about this movie before i went to see it, but i was pleasantly suprised.
I think Karan made this movie very well.
Big ups to Big B and Little B. They pretty much carried this movie on their shoulders.
Abhisheks performace was flawless. He made you laugh and he definitely made you cry.
This movie may not be the right cuppa tea for the traditional indians perhaps, but the movie is based on real life and i’m sure every married couple can relate to one scene or another from this movie. Good or bad.
Keep up the good work Karan.
Abhishek needs to do more movies like this, which shows off his talent.
Shah Rukh’s character was very angry. Full stop
Preity – pass
Rani – pass
Frankly after watching KANK, did not understand what did KJ want to achieve… and wasting Big B’s talent like that!!
BTW have you ever wondered what could be the most unlikely – but definitely correct support to Big B’s success and wealth?
See my post on http://www.shansenta.blogspot.com to find out more.
Cheers!
worst movie i have ever seen. in india people are trying to justify infedility. indian dramas are full of this subject.
for God’s sake what is wrong let it remain wrong. please dont try to justify henious practices.