Post Warning – Rant Factor (8.5/10)
Behenji. The one word that used to smell like a slap on a winter’s day on the campus. It could mean many things. It was a remark reserved for conservative girls. The kinds who wore polyester salwar kameez and had oil in their hair. And perhaps has an accent that could only come from the hinterland or a less-than-elite education.
Behenji literally means sister (behen) with the suffix of ji (sign of respect). Mocking, cruel and a label one wished to get rid of asap. And the other term was behenji turned mod. (mod = modern) A mean spirited version of nouveau riche.
But it wasn’t just a matter of appearances. Afterall, even the (err..) hip crowd wore salwar kameez. They were likely to come from FabIndia. Oh! The delights of expensive, crisp handwoven cotton! And not that wearing denim was the answer to your prayer to join the charmed circle. You had to wear the right brand, the right fit. If you made the mistake of buying denim from the market that sold brand-replicas, the hawks would spot it. Expensive appearances. And how well you could carry it off. You could wear an expensive brand, but you had to look effortless in it. Like you were born into rich, classy tastes. Like you wore a Gucci diaper with a diamond safety pin. Tradition was Fashionable Kitschy.
Expensive. Effortless. Elite.
Conservative morals were less respected from the behenji quarters. Suppose a girl from the less elite quarter was to suggest that maybe pre-marital sex was not desirable, the laughs and mockery was much louder. If you didn’t smoke or drink because you thought it wasn’t good, it was wrong. Of course, if you just said that your karmic equation wasn’t comfortable with tobacco and alcohol it was acceptably spiritual. And the ones who were in the non-behenji category were forced to never think for themselves, because any sign of conservatism was a sign of being behenji-ish. Tauba! Tauba!
If you could speak your mother tongue without a flaw, and with the ease of the native (sic!), then you were a Ghati in Maharashtra. In Bombay it was a popular back-stabbing ritual. Calling someone a Ghati as soon as they ran out of the scene. The funny thing is that Ghati isn’t a bad world. It’s just a word that means Maharashtrian (From the Ghats?). Since when is being culturally aware bad or insulting? I remember watching a brilliant documentary by Anjali Monteiro and KP Jayashankar at TISS called Identity: The construction of Selfhood, that had an amazing analysis of an advertisement like Ortem. The Ortem advertisement was for a brand of fans, and various men try saying Ortem in different accents. All of them looked the part of the accent. The Bangla speaking Bengali Babu in dhoti and glasses, the Tamil Brahmin struggling to pronouce Ortem, wearing a caste mark. A girl (South Asian by looks) keeps correcting them and sort of laughs at them.
A guy who appears to be urban chic (Without any caste mark, give away of roots or cultural identity) says the word Ortem right – and the girl pulls him by the collar and you can pretty much assume what they did once the girl yanked him off the screen. I remember in the discussion that followed with KP Jayashankar doing an excellent job at moderating the heated argument. The raging anger. Since when had we come to see less of ourselves for looking the way our hinterland represents itself? Why were we so ashamed of our colour, our clothes, our superstitions, our religions, ourselves?
I thought it would die out. This concept of dividing the world along class. That women would understand other women, over and above the obvious barriers. It didn’t happen. My sister who is studying her undergrad in Pune frequently tells me of such barriers. It’s obviously a lot less than the barrier in Delhi, but it exists. And thrives. We alienate half the world for being themselves. And negotiate their identities on our terms.
Marvellous post, N.
I know it’s a rant, but tell me, can humans exist without this identity-alteration machinery that runs all day in our heads? I am not saying it’s necessary for survival, just questioning its purpose in our lives.
Rock on.
Krishna
Totally unrelated to your post, but I just can’t seem to open your blog! I mean, I arrive alright, and then my comp hangs!!! :O
Got this comment thingy to open after a 5 minute struggle!
Back home, in Assam, we have a word, “dhekeri”, which is almost equivalent in meaning to “behenji”. While “behenji”, as a word, gets its power from suggestiveness, the geographical marginality of “dhekeri” is clear: coming from the villages. The first marker is, of course, accent.
River:
Thanks for pointing it out. I think it was some piece of css running amock, and Firefox was showing the site alright so I hadn’t noticed it. :) Hopefully it’s fixed now.
It’s interesting. In Delhi University, there was a whole different North East thing – people called Chinkys. They were supposed to be apart from the Behenjis, but were seen as though they were Behenjis with a better dress sense. That always got to me!!
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I am just glad that the place where I study, though in Delhi, no one gives a damn if I am wearing local chappal or Wilson shoes. I mean, Who cares?
The Behenji-turned-Mod is my favorite topic of them all, and her attempt at crossing over to fit in damns her further. The success ratio in life is so completely misrepresented in cinema!
Ooh! Feels like I have a dissertation topic creeping in upon me!
Love your incisive posts, N. Would be great to talk to you. Do mail me if you like.
writetoinkspill(at)gmail(dot)com
Inky and km: Thanks
Pradyot: My guess is that you are a male and you have a comfort zone group on your campus. Your levels of noise as regards appearances would largely be determined by the group you find. We’re more forgiving towards the style of men..
Unfortunately a lot of this discrimination starts from men/ male dominated campuses. IIT (I lived for 14 years across the campus gate, and then married an IITian, and inherited all his friends) is famous for its whole male and non-male jokes. And that’s just what most of the world gets to hear. *Shudder* Delhi is a city of appearances. We can all pretend otherwise.
Oh, your blog is smooth today. smooooth!
Don’t even start me on the “chinky” thing in DU. I began seeing it from close quarters only after I started teaching here.
Strangely enough, in JNU, where I was a student for several years, I never noticed the vast and powerful divide. I must have been blind or young!
This post makes me cringe at the situation you portray and at the same time, proud of my college because we didn’t have this stereotyping.
Nobody ever called me a dehaati or whatever. There was a healthy respect for people who were good at something regardless of whether they were ‘affluent’, ‘western cool’ or just ‘from down the road’.
The ones who tried too hard to be something they were not comfortable with – the behenjis / bhaiyyas trying to be mod – were laughed at. Strictly speaking, that was not nice either. But very few of us are wise at 17 and 18. (Which of course leads to your post about under-age marriage ..)
J.A.P.
People can be so cruel and shallow. So many hang-ups.
Wow,
nice blog and a very rigorous exposition, Behenjis/Ally Mc Beal. Both very well written posts. I must say.
Are you a journalist by any chance. And you were at TISS?
Maybe you know my sister, Shivani she was at TISS too. And you seem like you are the same age.
Well, very well written and well thought out blog, very nice,
Thanks.
Shivani Kumar – St Stephens (History)?
She was a classmate.. :)
Hey Neha..
Your blog was impeccably smooth and engrossing. I was looking up “behenji” on google.ca when I came across your pc of work.. Marvellous stuff, I must say. My boyfriend sometimes teases me that I am a “behenji” because of my utter disconcern for learning slang expletives. I don’t see anything wrong with my state of “ignorance”, but you are TOTALLY right about the masked appearances people put on to be “mod” or “hip”. I never went through it myself, although I was VERY close to being a behenji.. oiled hair and all… not to mention, awesome hold of Hindi and a keen leaning towards being cultural-and queerly religious too!.. I’ve changed tons since then, and not that I consider myself to be any different from within. Behenji is more of a outwardly physical, and impressed mental state.
Kudos to you.. you’ve done an excellent job at summing it all up. The meaning of the word, most respectfully abusive!